Discovering Jordan - Introduction - Icebergs in the Desert

Culture is like an Iceberg was the discussion topic for Mr. Shadeed’s Cultural Studies class.  I learned more than the students.

Teaching gives one insights into local culture, and a regular substitute gets to know a school quickly.  So by the time I had spent a few weeks covering math, history, and French classes in our Dubai international school, I felt fairly competent.  But when given an Arabic teacher’s schedule, I laughed because I knew only two words of Arabic – shukran and la (thank you and no).  Fortunately, another Arabic teacher lent her assistant, and these students are fairly respectful.  But I was relieved when 4^th period Cultural Studies required analysis of a simile, and was conducted in English.  I enthusiastically listed iceberg qualities and made Titanic comparisons to culture, until the 7^th graders’ eyes started to glaze.  Then they were permitted to create artistic interpretations of the subject, while my mental wheels kept spinning.  That was 9 months ago...

How is culture like an iceberg?  Both are majestic, constantly-evolving creations, their beauty supported by massive hidden structures.

Because of occasional disasters, people fear and avoid icebergs and foreign cultures, even centuries after a scary event.  And it’s true that if we barrel radar-blind through unfamiliar waters, bad things can happen.  But we can learn lessons from the Titanic, such as to slow down around icebergs and other cultures, and understand that much waits to be encountered beneath the surface.  Each of us is like an iceberg, traveling with our cultural families, often bumping into icebergs from other places.  When we are friendly and respectful, our interactions are usually safe and enriching.

Icebergs and cultures might make a big noise when they collide, but mostly they float peacefully, sharing fragments of information when they interact.  An Australian kid once observed, “You’re American, aren’t you?  You sound like the blokes on the telly.”  “That’s funny,” I replied, “so do you.”  (I’ve always thought of ‘British’ accents as intelligent, because of the BBC shows on our educational channel.  Wonder what impression American reality shows give the world?)

Globalization has caused much melting in recent years, so it’s important to record and appreciate our world’s icebergs and cultures as they exist today.  In Dubai’s heat, people from many countries melt together and raise a generation of ‘third-culture kids.’  At school, our young icebergs bump into each other and share information.  Will this create a uniform watered-down culture, or more diverse icebergs? 

What's a Radical Moderate?

Before going further with my ‘dublog,’ I want to explain where I think I’m coming from. Why do I call myself a radical moderate, and why am I keeping those earlier political commentaries on the blog?

The media call North Carolina a “battleground” state.  This means about a third of the people lean left politically, and a third lean right.  The rest are somewhere in the middle, swaying back and forth.  This might appear to be an unbalanced situation, but actually, it shows that many people listen to both sides of an argument, and make choices based on details rather than loyalty to one political party.  I am proud of our state, where most people prefer barbecue and basketball to politics.  While I am in the Democratic camp, I have many friends who are Republicans, and I’m married to an old-fashioned conservative who sways with that middle third.  If the two of us can find so much in common for over 2 decades now, you would think the folks in Washington could learn to compromise too.

I believe a healthy country needs a balance of free enterprise and social safety net along with a strong public school system, unencumbered media, and uncorrupted government.  My guiding question is usually ‘What will most benefit our children?’  As a moderate, I try to improve the institutions we have, instead of advocating massive changes that disrupt people’s lives and get expensive.  I don’t like to waste time, talent, or money.  I believe children benefit from learning to have a strong work ethic, no matter how privileged their upbringing, and this is a lesson many of us privileged American parents and teachers have trouble imparting.  I believe every child needs and deserves love, attention to their health, and access to decent education so they may support themselves and make positive contributions when they grow up.  But any child, rich or poor, who is given many additional ‘wants’ without working for them, develops a sense of entitlement instead of self-reliance.  (For more political opinions, look at those earlier blog entries.)

And these are my humble opinions.  As a “sweet Carolina girl,” I hate to offend anyone.  Everyone has different perspectives and good points to make.  So it feels radical to express my opinions, knowing that others may disagree.  I believe it is important for the moderate voice to be heard, especially when we ask for compromise in the best interests of our country and world.  I also draw strength from stories of heroes, my family, and moderate friends who ask me to keep expressing ideas they often agree with.  But no one is right all the time, including me.  So I beg your pardon in advance, if my words offend you.  And respectful disagreement in the comments section of a blog can be healthy – discussion leads to sharing of ideas and new thoughts.  So go ahead – tell me what you think – just try to use good manners please, so we can have a kinder, gentler, healthier nation.

Yes, I am slightly left of center in both religious and political views.  I used to think these were separate issues, but Americans have become more religious about our politics and political in our religions, particularly since the events of 9/11/2001.  I believe the trauma of that day still frightens and angers many Americans.  Our recent elections and frequent massacres indicate that America needs some major therapy sessions.  Our country is like many victims of violent crime, who turn their anger inward and need help to acknowledge and process their fear and pain before they can let it go.  Victims who hold on to their anger allow the criminals to continue hurting them.  In America’s case, with our finger-pointing and fractured government, we weaken our country and help the 9/11 terrorists win.  We need to climb out of the muddy rut we’ve been in, find higher common ground, support all our leaders and people, and take steps to make our country strong enough to last another 250 years or more.

Our church lost a caring family member on 9/11.  But Sandy Bradshaw was such a positive, cheerful person that to remember her with anger would make her sad.  So after 9/11, I put my grief energy into helping my daughter’s teachers create an International Peace Site at their Montessori school.  We tried to help our next generation learn to respect differences and solve problems using words instead of violence.  This project had a profound impact, got me involved in the PTA and local politics, and showed how I could use my talents to make a positive difference.  I am still inspired by Sandy’s heroism on 9/11, and the thought of how she might have used her energy if our roles had been reversed.

When I worry about getting too radical for conservative friends, I try to remember all the people who have spoken or written over the centuries to ask for positive change.  I want to be one of those people.  I want to present unique solutions to problems, and be heard.  I want to make a positive difference.  If that makes me a radical, then so be it.  I’ll be like the witch in Wicked, forgoing her chance for a positive reputation to fight for justice….Actually, I’m not that brave.  I will politely state and explain my opinions, and give you the chance to state yours.  Then we can look for areas of agreement, and share them further.  That’s what diplomats and moderates and peacemakers do.  It’s less exciting but more effective in the long run.

Peace Starts with Civil Discourse

This was published this two years ago, but apparently some folks didn't get the message!

           

            As I often preach to the captive audience in my mini-van:  No matter how rich, famous, smart or talented you are, people judge whether they like you based on your manners.  Politicians and Hollywood  constantly provide examples to illustrate my point.  Even though outrageous behavior and rudeness gain attention, I think respect creates stronger long-term relationships, and solves more problems.

            While exercising the right to free speech, many people need to think about how they use words.  Offensive comments do not contribute to productive dialogue - they create verbal walls.  If you really want me to accept your position, you must first be polite and consider my point of view.

            My daughters learned this lesson in their Montessori kindergarten.  Mrs. White introduced the “peace feather” during her unit on Native Americans.  When my child was bothered by a classmate’s behavior, she grabbed the peace feather.  While holding it, she could explain the issue and the classmate had to listen.  Then she handed the feather to the classmate, and listened to the opposing side of the story.  Calm discussion helps children hear each other and find a peaceful solution to their problems.

            Maria Montessori invented this ceremony to help her classroom of individual learners function without constant turf battles.  Young peacemakers internalize the practice of verbalizing problems and listening to both sides of issues.  Roses, candles and peace poles have substituted for the feather, but teachers avoid giving “adult attention” to the process.  Children are inspiring and proud when they work things out by themselves.

            Desperate to help her two rambunctious boys get along, my friend created a ‘peace table’ at home.  Instead of fighting (as much), her three and five year olds would grab their peace candle, take turns airing their grievances, say “sorry,” and announce, “We declay da peas!”  (We declare the peace.) The boys greatly enjoyed the ceremony, and thought of new arguments so they could make more peace treaties.  Mom’s intervention was no longer required to prevent bloodshed.

            Our children have learned that peacemaking is not a passive activity and it never ends.  Problems in our world always need attention.  People step on toes and cut in line on the playground, in the workplace, in schools, in our government, and between nations.  Adults approaching conflicts might emulate Montessori children.  Most of us could use help talking calmly about issues, listening, ‘saying sorry’ if we have hurt someone, and finding solutions together that suit everyone.  As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice.”

            As a PTA leader, I try to remember peacemaking skills when supporting our schools.  It is often important to call attention to things that can be improved in schools, but because there are so many issues, we have to be considerate of the staff and elected officials with whom we are working.  Using ‘diplomatic advocacy,’ I try to initiate ‘productive, community-building dialogue,’ as recommended by News and Record columnist, David Noer. 

           The peacemaking skills learned by our children and parents can be used in many areas where we want to improve our community.  Perhaps extending a feather would even help our local and national politicians declare peace.